It's Sunday today. And my stupid school is having a programme which I'm supposed to attend to. But, it's Sunday guys. People don't go to work on Sundays, unless you run a business. So, I told myself, I won't go to the programme. Besides, it's fucking bullshit. People here just seek for attention - by all means, it's public attention. For God's sake, you don't have to call out media to publicize your kindness. If you want to give tuition to those needy kids, come on, just do it. Keep it low and that's it. Why the hell you need to make it all gaga and ask everyone else in this school to join your parade?
MORON.
Anyway.
I'm currently half way through Dr. Aishah's homework. It was the ninth therapy session I went to. And for each session, she proposed me new ideas to think about. Or, reflect. So, yeah. Doing her homework is actually to reflect on everything. It's never easy to do it, you know. A brain surgeon has to dissect each part of your brain without making a slight mistake. While a psychiatrist, s/he has to untangle your hay-wired brain without even touch it. It must be very difficult for them. But, it's harder for me.
I can't forgive myself.
Up until now.
Though Val forgave me for whatever shits I did - attempting suicide twice, overdosing multiple pills, self-harming, throwing things away in room, starving for hours, fucking up my job - I still can't.
I just can't.
As Gregory House once said,
"dying is easy. living is hard"