l'amour? #7

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"why do i feel pain in here when i was broken-hearted, robyn?"

"here?" robyn tanya sambil tangannya digayakan.

"yeah, it literally feels...painful. like a chest pain"

"well...look honey, being worried and anxious sometimes is quite a normal behaviour, and also is feeling pain when we are very hurt emotionally"

"yan?"

"yan !"

"yan !"

"ye !" yan terus berpaling pada hakim.

dan dalam pada masa yang sama,

'very hurt emotionally' - suara robyn diputar-putar tak ubah macam tape recorder dalam tempurung kepala yan.

"tadi kau nak cakap apa? kau sebut 'tapi'. apa dia kau nak cakap?"

"takde...takde apa"

"itu sangat fake. jangan nak tipu boleh tak?"

"sumpah lah. takde apa"

"hmmm..."

suasana kian hening dan sekarang dah pukul satu pagi. hakim tak ada tanda-tanda mahu pulang. yan pulak, sekejap-sekejap gosokkan telapak tangan.

musim luruh.

memang gini fi'il alam.

sejuk. beku. suram. muram. kelam.

dan masing-masing mendongak ke langit hitam.

"tu" hakim tunjuk ke arah bumbung alam.

"nampak tak?" dia tanya, pandang yan.

"tu mesti bintang sirius kan" yan jawab pendek.

"entah. ye ke?"

"iye lah. bintang yang boleh nampak dengan naked eyes. sirius tu bahasa yunani, meaning, menyala-nyala. kau tau sirius black kan?"

"so?"

"dalam canis major constellation, sirius is the brightest star of all. and the thing is, canis major's derived from latin - anjing besar. sebab tu kadang-kadang, orang panggil sirius ni the great dog. indeed, kalau tengok animagus form of sirius black pun, he turns out to be anjing besar tau"

hakim diam, malas nak amek port. apa ke lancau si yan ni dok cerita pasal bintang, dia sendiri kurang pasti.

it's just a star, anyway.

"kat city, tak banyak pun bintang. cuba kalau pergi suburb, serious shit banyak. if we're lucky, cantum-cantumkan those stars, dah boleh jumpa buruj. selalunya, confirm boleh nampak buruj pari. i once saw it. such a big cross up there" yan tersenyum.

"kau pisces" yan bersuara lagi.

"and?" mata hakim terjegil.

satu perkara pasal yan, hakim kena carik correlation dari satu titik ke satu titik perbualan. dia bukan jenis short, sharp and simple. no. she's more likely to being a complex one.

"orang yang bintang pisces ni, oversensitive. i mean, you are extremely sensitive. you can sense things. just like you can sense me. sebab tu, kalau date dengan kau, kau romantik"

"aku romantik? memang tak la kan" hakim tergelak.

"tengok. deny la deny. it's not like i'm saying something wrong ok" yan serius.

"ye la...aku tak deny pun kau salah. but then, part romantik tu-"

"kalau tak romantik, why the hell many girls can fall in love with you?" yan tenung mata hakim.

"mana ada ramai. banyak ke?"

"malas la nak cakap lagi"

hakim terus bantai gelak.

muka yan sebaliknya.

mencuka.

"kan dah cakap, aku ni jahat. mean...and selfish..."

"come on la. mean and selfish, that's only a fucking slight of negative side je. they're not really dominant in you. elemen yang main peranan kat sini, is sensitivity, which in turn, drives you to be romantic"

hakim tak menjawab sepatah.
matanya pulang lekat ke bintang sirius.
mata saja.
fikirannya tidak.
harapkan jasad di sebelah yan, tapi jiwa sudah ke atas sana.

"we plan to go for a vacation" hakim tiba-tiba tutur satu per satu.
"kau dengan budak perempuan tu?"
"tak tahu lagi. cuma plan je..."

yan senyap.

"aku nak lari kejap"
"i thought kita dah memang sedia 'lari'?"
"entah la, yan..."

yan senyap lagi.

"ingatkan nak pergi melbourne"

hanya bola mata yan yang sambung bicara pada dialog hakim.

mulutnya, langsung terkatup.
yan hilang bunyi.

"tapi, melbourne. heh. jauh gila cita-cita. jadik, pergi takat queenstown pun, ok dah kott"

"but, like what i said, ni cuma plan"
"please don't go" tanpa sedar, yan mintak.
"maksud kau?"
"just, don't go"
"why?"

yan tarik nafas.

"takde apa lah" yan geleng kepala.
"tak, tak. kenapa kau tak nak aku pergi? reason?"
"takde apa. let's forget what i said"
"no...there's must be a reason"
"there's no reason lah"

"on the second thought, pergi lah kalau kau nak. if that makes you happy, you better go. apa hak aku nak menghalang-"
"ye, kau takde hak, tapi aku nak tahu kenapa kau tak nak aku pergi at the first place. why? reason dia apa?"
"nothing lah, akim. it's your life after all"
"kau marah aku kan, yan?"
"why should i?"
"cakap la. kau marah kan?"
"kalau aku marah pun, i have no right sebenarnya"
"still, you're entitled to your feeling"
"dah la akim"

"takde takde-"

"akim--"

"i just miss the idea of you" yan berterus-terang.

"ha?"

"i don't miss you, but i just miss the idea of you"

"isnin ni..." yan cepat-cepat tukar topik.

"aku tempah badminton court. pukul lapan setengah sampai sembilan setengah"

"pagi?"

"malam"

"kau free?" yan soal.

jangan olengkan aku

"orang yang paling banyak buat kita ketawa dan senyum itulah

yang akan memusnahkan senyuman itu semula"

(kitab terfaktab #1, mukasurat 73)


[ me60 ]


demi Tuhan,
tolong,
kasihan aku.
untuk kali ni.
saja.

lintas langsung wilayah biri-biri : ianya seratus peratus

gua siap print out jadual perlawanan.
gila semangat kan?

aku tak tahu macam mana aku boleh terserap menyuka ragbi. serius, aku tak tahu. kalau ikut sejarah kehidupan aku, mana ada aku layan pasal sport. takat fifa world cup tu, ada lah sikit. tapi, untuk ragbi ni --

[geleng kepala]

well, kadang-kadang, kita tak perlukan sebab atau justifikasi untuk jatuh cinta. even albert einstein pernah memetik kata - you can't blame gravity for falling in love.

maka, kalau dah suka, ye, sukakan saja. rasa cinta - ingat boleh halang-halang macam kau nak defend bola ragbi ke? ini emosi. dia datang tanpa kita mintak pun.

jadik, boleh dikatakan aku jatuh cinta dekat hampir semua pemain. tapi, to be in my top list, harus lah :

1. colin slade

2. cory jane

3. conrad smith

4. richard kahui

5. sony bill williams (jatuh nombor lima kesukaan aku? kahkahkah)

6. dan carter

7. ma'a nonu

8. richie mcCaw

9. israel dag

10. zac guildford

andy ellis, piri weepu dan aaron cruden are not bad too. cuma, mereka tak perlu masuk dalam the top ten hahahaha

baik lah.

sejarah sudah tertulis.

the rugby world cup opening, 9th october 2011

to all blacks, there's no word i can say to describe the feeling of winning the cup. for the last twenty minutes, i must say that my heart bit so fast, i couldn't relax any longer. well done guys. well done. the 24-years of wait has come to the end. you guys are so, so, so much great and superb. it was a magnificent game after all.

seperti yang pernah aku katakan dulu, jersi nombor sepuluh macam bawak celaka. cruden terpaksa keluar padang pada minit ke tigapuluh empat bila lutut dia tercedera. see. gua dah syak lama dah. ingat gua tak risau ke bila dia kena gantikan slade? risau ouh.

seriusnya cedera dia tu, kau boleh tengok masa perarakan yang meraikan kemenangan all blacks kat queen street semalam. cruden bertongkat ok. lepas ni, gua cuma mampu ucapkan good luck lah kepada siapa-siapa yang bakal menyarung jersi tu.

bagi aku, perancis kalah dengan bermaruah. memang bengang kalau kita kalah tipis, 7 - 8. tapi, ni kan adat permainan (bapak klise ayat ni !). so, perancis, kamu bukan lah teruk sangat. aku tengok, even though corak mainan korang laju, tangkas, cepat dan sedikit ganas, aku salute. tak ada pertumpahan darah pun. semua favourite players aku tak terluka teruk except badan calar-calar sikit. tahniah. kamu semua bermain dengan profesional. bukan seperti wallabies - hampeh. semua gaya nak membunuh.

ufff.

bermula dengan perlawanan menentang tonga dan akhir sekali perancis, pasukan hitam membuktikan kemenangan seratus peratus. hell yes, every match is defeated by them.

"kalau all blacks menang untuk final ni, memang dorang hundred per cent menang kat semua match. tapi, kalau kalah, ni la satu-satunya match yang jatuhkan dorang"

(bawangmerah, 23 oktober 2011)

walaupun aku tak pergi queens wharf auckland untuk final match, aku singgah kejap awal petang duapuluhtiga oktober. besides nak beli pencuci muka kat auckland downtown, aku nak jugak tengok how people celebrate the closing of rugby world cup. you won't believe it with your eyes. the world has come to play dan - bapak banyak gila weyh !

tapi, masa the rugby world cup opening, lagi ramai kott. aku tak nampak dunia pun melainkan manusia-manusia galah.

sebenarnya, aku tengah cuak masa tangkap gambar ni. jantung macam nak tercabut

seterusnya adalah foto-foto yang merakamkan the ending of rugby world cup, 23th october 2011.

ceh.

ayat nak skema. ah, lantah lah.

pergi awal petang tak sesak lagi. muka boleh tersenyum

untuk melepasi pagar merah, orang ramai terpaksa beratur panjang.
kau ingat aku rajin sangat nak beratur? queue dia sampai auckland countdown (i wish you guys can imagine how long the queue is !)

i told you, tak sesak lagi pun

ni, entah orang mana aku tangkap gambar sama hahahaha

ehem ehem

tadaaaaa !

cuba teka berapa saiz t-shirt tu?

lintas langsung wilayah biri-biri : perihal esok

kata farah, malaysia tengah kecoh pasal bola. ye lah, kau hengat, kau sorang je kecoh? aku pun kecoh jugak. tapi bukan bola bulat. ini bola bujur yang didefinisikan bola ragbi.

mungkin ramai tak aware apa yang bakal berlaku esok hari.

esok, tepat jam 8.45 malam waktu tempatan, aku akan tercongok depan kaca tv (dan barangkali bersorak keseorangan). new zealand berentap sama perancis. mereka semua pakat-pakat mahu ke queens wharf auckland. biasalah, nak dapat feel bersorak depan layar putih besar dengan penyokong pasukan hitam yang lain.

aku? nunca mi amor. kau gila apa nak campak aku ke tempat orang seluas lautan hitam? boleh mati tersentap kat situ, nyah. jadik, aku decide, it's better if i'm staying and be home alone only.

dammit.

ok, anyone care to accompany me tomorrow night? it's not like we're doing things.

so, to recapitulate (aha, new word eit?) previous match between all blacks and wallabies, again, i would like to congratulate everyone for doing the best in their own part. dan, tahniah jugak kepada wallabies kerana berjaya membuat aku lebih benci kamu sekalian. siapa tak panas beb, bila depa dok hentam semua favourite player aku? cory jane berdarah-darah kat hidung tahu tak. colin slade memang tak main ah. dah dia suffers groin pain - no wonder he was a lil bit sucks back then. isk. what a bad ! dan piri weepu, aku perasan dia sakit kaki for the second half time. mau semua penalti hancur dibuatnya. nasib baik ada yang masuk. bila tukar kejap dengan andy ellis, ellis pulak yang hidung berdarah - tak sampai berapa minit pun. siot tak siot, aku yang tengok pun, dah jadik bengang. keluar ellis, masuk balik si weepu. haih. depa semua kesat darah macam kesat peluh.

woi, ni main ragbi ke, berperang ragbi ?!

overall view, aku tak cuak for this match, compared to the match NZ met Argentina. because this time, ramai yang turun main - dagg, nonu, mcCaw, smith, SBW, kahui and cruden. sayang - slade dengan carter tak ada.

gua cuak only for the reason wallabies main terlampau ganas. korang main macam nak membunuh kan?

well, nama pun ragbi.

tapi, agak-agak ah !

see? see?

esok, sah-sah queen street sesak dengan manusia. semalam, masa aku jalan-jalan dari civic theatre (by the way, the broadway was cancelled due to mess up in booking tickets but it is then scheduled tonight with same seat and same time, except that we've got half price tickets. oh yeah~), orang boleh tahan ramai la jugak. kalau untung, dapat tengok orang buat flash mob dance at the crossroad. you won't believe it how new zealand can be so chaotic like hell, merely for this rugbyb world cup.

alololo comelnya ~
tapi, lagi comel tengok lelaki bersin sebenarnya.kahkahkah

to all blacks,
best of luck, mate !

p/s : photos by courtesy of google image

sepanyol atau perancis?

pertemuan (1)

dia duduk belakang aku.

dan pertama kali terdengar gaya cakap inggerisnya, aku tahu dia bukan orang sini.

+ "where are you from?"

- "chile"

pertemuan (2)

aku tak perasan dia duduk tempat sama - belakang aku dalam kelas language teaching 101. hingga lah dia lunjurkan kakinya, aku tersedar.

kaki siapa ni.

aku pusing belakang.

dan, dia.

aku senyum.

dia balas.

tak ada perkataan terkeluar,

hanya mata berkata-kata.

pertemuan (3)

aku datang awal. kelas masih kosong.

dia?

belum lagi tiba.

sampai kuliah mahu mula, dia tak muncul.

mana?

sebab tempat terhad. dan habis dia kalau terlewat sangat. atau, habis aku?

tolong lah, duduk saja situ. tolong lah. tolong lah.

+ "yes !"

tanpa sedar, aku rupanya sorak bila dia duduk betul-betul depan aku.

buruk perangai.

pertemuan (4)

aku tak bagi jijie duduk belakang aku sebab aku mahu dia duduk situ. lagipun, situ kan tempat dia? jijie geram dan pergi tempat lain. tapi, mir datang dan aku tak sempat menghalang. mir duduk.

belakang, depan, kiri, kanan - semua hampir penuh. dia tak datang-datang lagi. macam mana kalau dia tak ada tempat?

entah kenapa,

nad tiba-tiba bangun dan extra seat ter-ada sebelah aku.

- "can you please...?"

+ "oh, yes. sure"

dia. aku.

duduk sebelah-menyebelah.

+ "you're a bit late today"

- "yeah. just, one minute late"

bisikan kami, hanya kami yang dengar.

pertemuan (5)

aku datang lambat daripada biasa. walaupun kelas kosong lagi, aku nampak -

someone's taken my seat.

aku tukar arah, mahu ke tempat lain.

after all,

- "hi !"

dia.

- "i thought you wanna sit here--"

+ "oh, you want me to sit there?"

- "yeah, why not"

+ "oh, ok. i'll sit next to you"

pertemuan (6)

seperti dia faham, sebelah dia tak terisi siapa-siapa, melainkan untuk aku lengkapkan sebelah dia.

+ "how to pronounce this?"

- "a-lan"

+ "a-lan"

- "car-"

+ "car"

- "brey"

+ "brey"

- "ra"

+ "ra"

dia senyum.

aku pun.

+ "i was thinking to take elective subject next year. em, between french and spanish, which one would you suggest to me?"

- "take spanish"

+ "em?"

- "spanish"

dia bisik lagi.

***

meeting (1)

she was sitting in front of me, wearing a pink shirt, black scarf and as usual, the pink sneakers. this time, she fitted her outfit with her denim skirt. a petite girl she is.

as i was talking to a person next to me, she turned her back and asked me innocently,

+ "where are you from?"

- "chille"

it took a while for her to understand me. maybe because my pronunciation isn't something usual to be heard. well, i'm not a kiwi but chilean !

meeting (2)

i bet that was her place. she never swaps to anywhere but to sit there. and i, i sit here - just sit behind her. again, out of sudden, she turned.

and she smiled.

our eyes met and did the talk.

meeting (3)

great ! i was late this time. the class was almost fulled. and she was already there, with her friends like always. but my seat's already taken by a stranger. what a day.

just when i climbed the stairs, she looked at me - some kind like signalling me to sit in front of her. yeah, that was the only extra place i saw too.

just then, i heard she hoorayed as i put all my things down.

wait.

was she really that happy when i got her message?

i try to read her smile.

i think she was.

meeting (4)

burning the midnight oil and the alarm clock failed to wake me up. again, i was a bit late. she must had been ready for the class by now. and as what i expected, everyone occupied all the spaces, except - aha !

- "can you please...?"

+ "oh, yes. sure"

my my.

this is the first time we sat side by side.

well, she seemed to be so awkward.

why?

+ "you're a bit late today"

- "yeah. just, one minute late"

was she waiting for me?

she gave me premature ventricular contractions.

i mean, she made my heart skip a beat.

gosh.

meeting (5)

now, she was the one who was late. or maybe, it was me that came earlier than usual to class hahahaha

- "hi !"

before she ran any further from me, it's better if i could catch her, i think.

- "i thought you wanna sit here--"

+ "oh, you want me to sit there?"

- "yeah, why not"

+ "oh, ok. i'll sit next to you"

meeting (6)

i guess we both have this mutual understanding when she automatically sat next to me for today's class. as we had our handout in our hands, intentionally i wrote my name on it, just to make her notice how my name is spelled.

+ "how to pronounce this?"

- "a-lan"

+ "a-lan"

- "car-"

+ "car"

- "brey"

+ "brey"

- "ra"

+ "ra"

she smiled - a bright smile which very much suits her especially when she was wearing this light pink outfit. you know, it's cotton fabric with small flower printed on it.

+ "i was thinking to take elective subject next year. em, between french and spanish, which one would you suggest to me?"

- "take spanish"

+ "em?"

- "spanish"

of course spanish.

it's my first language anyway.

should be easier to talk to her after she learns it.

***

pagi tadi aku exam language teaching 101.

jangan tanyakan aku apa kabar exam tu.

besides, memetik kata-kata hari ni,

"do not dwell in the past,

do not dream of the future,

concentrate the mind on the present moment"

sekarang, gua nak pergi iron baju.

maklum la, gua dapat tiket premium seat Anything Goes malam ni.

l'amour? #6

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

'aku tahu, tu bukan kau. kau lain. kau akim'

'you won't do that'

hakim mengeluh panjang. tangannya diletak balik belakang kepala sambil suara yan tak habis-habis terngiang dalam benak. tilam lembut terasa keras, langsung tak mendodoikan dia untuk tidur.

kenapa yan?

'people can talk anything. but never it sounds true to me'

'i know you well enough'

urgh !

satu-satu, masalah nak datang. belum lagi habis yang tu, yang ni dah datang. belum settle down yang ni, yang lain pulak timbul.

"akim"

suara yan.

dah dua kali hakim cuba tak pandang LCD. ikutkan hati, boleh je hakim off handphone terus. tapi, ni yan. dan dia insist. handphone tak putus-putus berdering dari tadi.

"jom" yan mengajak.

"jom apa?"

"keluar"

"tonight?" hakim bangkit, mata terfokus pada jam laptop.

sepuluh malam.

"haah. itupun, kalau kau nak lah"

"jom lah" hakim setuju.

"betul ni?"

"aku nak smoke"

"for real?"

"yeah, for real"

yan sengih nakal.

akim's smoking again?

hah, tonight's gonna be fun !

duabelas malam.

"kau nak yang mana?" hakim tanya.

"mildseven" yan malas masuk, cuma tunggu luar kedai.

"takmo ah. menthol le"

"dah tu?"

"dunhill"

yan mencebik.

"dunhill ok? tonight is my night" hakim degil.

walau yan tahu dunhill tak se-masyhuk mildseven, asal hakim puas berasap malam ni, yan dah happy. tak perlu nak argue bab rokok. yang penting, dua-dua dapat lepas gian after months of fasting.

"berani kan kau ajak aku lepak malam-malam. anything can happen you know" asap berkepul keluar dari mulut hakim.

"i don't think so"

"jangan rasa macam tu. aku laki kott"

"ok, maka?" yan hembus lagi.

"kita dah lama kenal dah" yan sambung.

"kalau aku tak buat apa-apa kat kau, aku bukan laki la"

"is that so?" yan pandang sebelah mata.

"haah"

"isap dunhill boleh high ke?"

"aku tak high lah. dah dah. jangan layan aku sangat"

angin malam membekukan suasana. manusia lalu-lalang dengan masing-masing galak mahu berjoli. heh, lupa. friday night. patut la botol arak dikendong-kendong mereka.

"aku rasa...laki, bila time malam-malam, memang lain lah" yan pasang lagi sebatang.

"correction. bukan laki, tapi aku ni je"

"laki lain, tak ke?"

"tak"

"really?"

"haah. aku je macam ni. so, kau tak payah nak pandang aku baik ke hape. and better, kau ignore aku terus. aku ni teruk lah, yan"

"akim--"

"why, why you wanna push me away when i care about you?" yan soal.

"i don't push you"

"yes, you do"

"aku rasa aku teruk je. jadik, aku tak nak kau kawan dengan orang macam aku"

"that's what you feel. and it's not according to my perspective. so, it's different"

"salah" hakim tenyeh puntung.

"aku memang teruk. kau je yang tak nampak. orang lain dah nampak" hakim cuba fahamkan yan.

"they must be wrong. or maybe, they look at different angle. and aku tengok kau, dari sudut lain"

"kau tengok aku dari sudut salah, yan. aku banyak sudut. pick the right one and you'll see the true colour of me"

"kalau macam tu, please guide me"

"ni tengah guide lah. so, come on. hate me, yan. just like everyone else"

"no, i won't"

"fuck you !"

"yeah, fuck me !"

"shit"

"what?!"

hakim geleng.

tarik nafas dalam-dalam.

"i'm not that everyone else ok" yan bertegas.

"yan, aku tak nak tipu kau dah. aku rasa, kau baik. sebab kau caya kat aku sampai macam ni sekali. aku tak sampai hati tengok kau. baik kau jangan rapat dengan aku lagi dah. jangan kau pikir-pikir pasal aku. kau caya je la cakap-cakap orang lain tu. tak payah pening-pening nak pikir. just do what i say"

"it's my choice. to the hell what majority talks about. i believe what i know"

"ni masalahnya. aku tak nak kau against the majority"

"hei, aku dah memang sedia golongan minoriti. i never belong to them. we both know that kan?"

"i know...tapi, perlu ke kau go against them? tak perlu kan?"

"memang tak perlu but doesn't mean i have to join them"

"aku malas lah"

hakim nyala sebatang.

bertekak dengan yan macam tak ada penghujung.

"aku tak tahu kenapa aku rasa tak suka kau macam tu"

"apa?" yan berkerut.

"aku tak nak kau back up aku"

"kenapa?"

"we need each other" mata yan cuba pujuk hakim.

"supposedly, aku yang kena selalu back up kau. aku lone ranger, jadik aku tak perlu kan siapa-siapa" hakim tepis pandangan yan.

"heh" yan geleng.

"it's my turn now, back up kau" yan tak putus asa.

"tak perlu. aku. tak. nak."

"kenapa? see, you're pushing me away!" yan bengang.

"aku tak nak susahkan orang. lagipun, aku dah biasa sorang-sorang. faham tak?"

"aku tahu tu, tapi tolong la, at least, give me some room or space. kenapa aku nak kena tukar pandangan aku terhadap kau when actually i know you're good enough?"

"ah. masalahnya, aku tak bagus pun"

"says who?"

"aku"

"itu kau yang cakap" yan pointed her finger. darahnya terasa menggelegak.

"aku tahu siapa aku"

"look, kau boleh ke tengok diri kau 100% from the front view? i bet no. no one can. you need a mirror i guess"

"aku tak tahu...yan, boleh tak kalau kau diam je kalau dorang cakap apa-apa pasal aku? jangan cakap apa-apa. dengar je"

"kenapa?"

"janji? aku tak nak libatkan orang dalam masalah aku. kalau kau anggap aku kawan, so please. tolong aku eh?"

"tapi, bukan ke aku patut cakap apa yang aku percaya?"

hakim terdiam.

apa payah sangat cakap dengan yan this time?

"akim...kenapa kau mesti macam ni...? there's nothing wrong with you, honestly"

"ye...ok, aku mintak satu je. please. please" hakim baca betul-betul raut wajah yan.

"jangan libatkan diri dalam masalah aku. boleh? aku tak nak kau terlibat. biar je dorang cakap apa"

"apa yang dorang cakap tu, tak betul kan? tell me. tak kan?"

"kalau tak betul pun, dengar je. jangan cakap apa-apa. biar je. serius, aku tak nak siapa-siapa terlibat. kau, especially. even benda tu tak betul sekalipun, biar aku settlekan sendiri. jangan risau, ok?"

"kau dengar tak, yan?" hakim soal bila yan tak respon apa-apa.

"dengar..."

"tapi-" suara yan tersekat separuh jalan.

dan tangannya, otomatis ada di dada.

apabila belanda dan jepun tidak lagi dalam senarai

sebelum aku further kan lagi bebelan pagi ni, jutaan tahniah untuk pasukan hitam ! ye, aku agak bengang for the first half sebab all blacks tak buat touch down melainkan penalti semata. but then, aku faham - untuk lepasi benteng pihak lawan bukan senang. eish.

still, gua bengang ouh !

aku tak faham kenapa tangan slade tak habis-habis nak ter-slip the ball dan kenapa sony ataupun nonu tak reti-reti nak buat touch down. nasib baik weepu ada. sekurangnya, daripada tujuh penalti, you only missed one conversion and statiscally speaking, your kicking is worth 85.7% (if my math doesn't go wrong lah).

aku memang perasan slade injured masa lawan canada dulu but i never expect his injury can be that bad. mungkin aku terlalu berharap untuk lihat dia main sampai ke final tanpa fikirkan betapa seriusnya dia merana. entah lah. gua syak jersi nombor sepuluh ni ada suwei lah. dulu, carter yang kena. sekarang, slade pulak. ha, pasni, siapa? siapa? cruden?

alright, enough.

back to our real business. first and foremost, biar aku petik deskripsi album bukumuka dulu. ini bukan malas nak karang entri, tapi, bak kata, dr. house, "work smart, not hard".

maka,

"

kalau dulu kami jejak tulip, kini kami buru sakura. ok, belanda mahupun jepun, kedua-duanya sudah dipangkah dari pelan pengembaraan - tak perlu pergi jauh dah. aukland got it all here.

oh ya. seperti biasa, gambar yang tidak di-edit walau sedikit pun, ditangkap menggunakan alat berjenama sony dsc-tx9.

sekian.

"

hah.

aci tak buat entri macam ni?

dan sekarang, tuan-tuan dan puan-puan boleh duduk rileks dan nikmati foto-foto yang aku larat nak upload. kalau sikit sangat, hang boleh request dekat kotak responsi dan kemudian, biaq aku timbangtara whether nak up foto lagi ke tak. for today, gua takde mood sangat nak cerita pasal alam sebenarnya. gua lagi serabut dengan something dalam kepala otak ni.

so, enjoyS ~ !

siapa-siapa yang ada nawaitu mahu melancong ke auckland, taman botanik auckland mungkin boleh jadik destinasi kamu semua. kawasannya gila luaaassss. dan bila aku kata luas, it means, hang jangan la pakai high heels datang sini. memang tak dan lah. pakai sneakers or sport shoes. sandal pun boleh. because you're gonna do lots of walk here. for futher details, you can visit this website.

***

the cup is getting hotter and now, all blacks (NZ) is official to meet wallabies (AUS) this sunday (16.10.2011) at nine o'clock (er...waktu tempatan auckland ye). come on guys !

let's watch who's gonna make it to the final match.

to all blacks, good luck, mate !

c’est tout

seriously speaking, aku paling bengang sampai rasa nak mencarut-carut, kalau orang keluar dengan aku, that person layan handphone and aku terpaksa tunggu sekejap. bukan sekali, tapi berkali-kali. come on la. perlu ke buat natang tu masa kita tengah having fun? that's fucking-holly-shit punya attitude, ok. kalau aku boleh bagi the fullest attention to you for about, let say, one hour or so, tak kan kau tak boleh allocate masa just to be with me sekejap. you can call me the attention whore, no big deal. but, i just can't stand the way you treat me in that few hours we have. it's not like everyday you have to vis-à-vis me. aku cuma mintak sikit masa from those seven days, twentyfour hours, sixty minutes and sixty seconds of yours. payah ke? i'm not pointing my words to a person, alright. but i'm pissed off with several of you who are meant to be the one i love, i care and i adore.

ni yang aku katakan take me for granted. you totally forget my presence, which is depan mata kau sendiri. tak kan nak tunggu aku berambus betul-betul dari hidup kau, kau baru nak nyesal?

ok, mungkin aku ni never meant to be that much important, tapi, for the sake of our relationship, be it kita rapat atau tak, kita classmates or what not, kita sedarah atau apa-apa je, can't you consider about this?

i just don't get it.

another thing, i can't simply buy anymore excuses that tell me how busy you are. hey, sampai kiamat pun, kalau hidup asek nak mengejar sibuk dan sibuk, i bet we won't have the time together again. you expect me to understand you. and yes, i'm trying so hard here. but can't you please understand my feelings just a lil bit? you're playing with my emotions and i have enough with all this shit. like i said, from those seven days, twentyfour hours, sixty minutes and sixty seconds of yours, memang takde ruang untuk aku ye? aku dah sampai tercampak jauh ke sini, boleh lagi you push me away?

[geleng kepala].

you hurt me, people. you always do.

that's why sometimes, i turned off. i'm tired and i don't want to lift my head high and face whatever in front of me again. call me coward if you like, but this is me. running away is my middle name. so, sebelum aku 'sakit', better i walk away because i, myself, won't let any of you give me some pain in here [sambil letak tangan di dada].

no. never.

dan aku tak harapkan apa-apa lagi dah dari manusia sekeliling in terms of emotional support or whatever you name it.

you see, "i'll always be there for you" hanyalah ungkapan ilusi. do you really think the words boleh pakai? kalau kurma dalam genggam tangan kita sendiri pun, Tuhan nasihatkan jangan nak letak sangat harapan, apatah lagi pada manusia yang hidup sehari-hari dengan kita ni.

so yeah, right now, i don't think i can put my hopes on you. i'm learning to be lonely and i'm sure, one day, you can see how good i am at being alone.

i may look happy. i may look strong.

but don't forget, i'm still a human being, yang mana Tuhan tiupkan perasaan dan emosi dalam jasad aku.

sekarang, kalau kau tak nak sign in skype dan tak nak balas text aku sebab terlampau sibuk dengan hidup tu, fine. go ahead. dan kalau kau mahu teknologi sekecik tapak tangan tu lebih dari kehadiran aku, i won't stop you - it's my pleasure.

you feel mad because i'm running away?

heh, don't blame me. blame yourself.

it's you, people, for what i've become now.

alasan

kalau tutup akaun bukumuka,
selamanya terus tak boleh capai aku ke?

ada berlambak cara nak carik manusia.
cuma soal bersungguh dengan tidak je.