infertile? - - barangkali.

knowing the fact that i might be infertile, is not that surprising. yeah, aku tak terkejut pun. tapi, to know that i might have cyst or the worst, ovary cancer, is not something that i expect at all. well, suatu ketika dulu, aku pernah buat check up dengan tabib cina (masa tu aku melancong ke tanah besar china) dan dia katakan aku mandul. i was 22 at that time and his words somehow bugged me until i met a medical friend who explained to me what is exactly infertility. years after that, my mom suggested me if i could set an appointment with a gynecologist to do a thorough check up. of course i didn't want to because first, i'm not sick and second, i have a fear with a gynecologist. so, the conversation between me and mom usually ends with an argument. i'm too stubborn to take her advise anyway.

in a mean time, i still face with my period problem in which it doesn't accord to the normal pace and in fact, my menses are...not too much? i mean, i barely use pad during my menstrual period. instead, i use pantyliner which that explains much how little is the blood flow. i don't experience period pain as well and if i do, it only happens once in a blue moon. 

so, last few days, my sister brought me to a masseuse - a not ordinary one. orang yang berilmu, senang cerita. she asked me to lie down and she did a check up on me. dia tak mengurut pun...sekadar pegang dan picit beberapa tempat, especially the umbilical, hypogastric, right iliac and left iliac. most of the time, she palpated under my belly until she found something that feels hard. it was a bit painful at that area. she then asked me to get an appointment with a doctor.

honestly, i feel unsettled and worried about myself. is it true that i actually sick without realizing about it? and what is really going on here?

i'll be having a check up at Pantai Hospital tomorrow.

finger cross - let's hope the doctor finds everything is good and nothing is serious.

hey sayang, mama believe, with today's technology,
masalah apa-apa pun boleh settle kan?
let's pray we can meet together one day, insyaAllah.