i can't afford another agony

for the starting of this year, i'm trying to be more objective, more focus, more happy and more spirited. enough is just enough. aku tak larat lah dan everything yang pernah aku habit-kan in my life here, i have to say that i need to stop it.

so, sebagai langkah kecil, this is what i'm gonna do -

1. no more pill abusing

be it for my headache, for my sleeping problem, for my cold, for my stress or for my fun. i won't take my candy anymore.

2. ignore the voice

don't take any provocation from it. it may jingle shits in my ears but i don't give it a damn. kau kata aku alone and you're saying that it's better if i take my own life again? kau nak provokkan itu pada aku?

hey, itu perkara paling bullshit yang pernah aku dengar.

3. control stress and emotions

a person once suggested me to keep a medical diary because my health wasn't that pink. so, ever since i have the diary, aku dah boleh trace my sickness patterns. the most common reason behind all my pain is the level of stress. bila emosi dah serupa macam roller coaster, stress pun me-roket laju. end up hormon jadik tak stabil and life becomes miserable.

4. write a diary again

tak semua benda aku boleh tulis pada kertas bawangmerahsquared because i have to maintain a facade. therefore, to be honest to myself, aku akan tulis diari semula. dah lama benar aku tak berlaku jujur hinggakan kakak bilang sama aku, sifat denial dan self-defensive cukup menebal dalam diri ni.

5. eat good, healthy food

umi bekalkan aku mee hoon instead of maggie dan umi siap ajarkan aku resipi sup sayur sebelum aku terbang pulang ke wilayah biri-biri. dan sekarang, diet aku mula berubah sedikit demi sedikit. sarapan pagi - roti atau pisang. tengahari - kentang atau roti. malam - a bit of nasi.

aku dah mula makan biskut dan aku cuba sekatkan diri dari makan chips. aku dah mula minum milo dan aku cuba kurangkan minuman gas. aku dah mula makan banyak sayur dan aku cuba minimize-kan daging.

cukup lah these five small steps for me to make a change.

moga-moga, Tuhan pinjamkan aku rasa sakinat dalam hayat ni.

ini teman sebumbung dan sedinding.
ye, kali ni, aku cuma hidup bertiga saja.